Who wants to listen?

I have been wanting to talk….to say a few things….but who wants to listen?

I have so many stories to say. I have so many things to tell. But our conversations are so staid as people feel the same way as I do and then that is that. One sided conversations and ears scarce and far in between.

I have a story to say. Right now I want to get it out of my system.

My office has a high roof and there is a ventilator is juxtaposed between the ceiling and the wall. I notice that I look up to the ventilator very rarely. More commonly when it seems to be hot and sometimes when it is raining outside.

Just about a moment back, I looked at the ventilator for a totally different reason. I had just lost a dear friend. Happened a couple of days back. I share very fond memories with him from the day we had met in the aisle of Hostel 9. Ever since I lost him, I have been recuperating from the loss and had been wallowing in memories of our time together. I was moving back and forth through various windows of thoughts. Splitting thoughts and varied memories.

Criss-crossing places, events and beautiful moments, I was a nomad in time. Varun was smiling here. Varun was recounting anecdotes there. Varun was racing his bullet ahead of me on the Bangalore Madras highway. Varun was pulling my leg on my attempts at trying to act busy in Hostel 9. Varun was making fun of the ‘very nice’ bearded guy. Varun was playing the latest track that he had downloaded from the LAN. Varun was making fun of Brendan’s attachment to his desktop. Varun was cribbing about the politics among Gults in IIML. Varun was playing counter-strike as ‘Daddyz back’. Varun was sleeping in his room 1031. Varun was drunk and trying to hug a tree. Varun was being convinced that he had kissed Bhakru. Varun was expressing his love for all and sundry after a ‘Insti-party’. Varun was there in so many places.

“Maa ki kirikiri”

“Mama…………”

Given my affection for Varun, I can go on for a long time. But now is not the time. As these memories do not bring me happiness as they used to. Bereft of his company, they spell inertia to my being.

I need to move on. With this thought in mind, I looked at the ventilator in my room and I knew that this room of thoughts need to open up and I need to break away.

It was GREAT knowing you Varun. I love you and will always do.

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6 Responses

  1. first time ever the word “varun” has brought an expression other than a smile on my face. macha sooo wish i had the power to change all that has happened

  2. these flashes of images with timestamps keep haunting me too doc. i guess, all of us are going through this… and its still hard to come to terms with this. Just reinforces how much each one of us means to all of us… and that we must take time out to spend that extra time with the ones we love…

  3. I wonder if I ever counted the number of breaths I take in a day. Its something so intrinsic that I have taken it for granted – however I don’t realize its the most vital. Likewise, most things in life which are very important are taken for granted – let me spell one – friendship, relationships …. Varun was one of the most kind hearted people I have seen …. he used to be so simple that people used to take him for many a ride … I can’t go on writing about those moments here for sake of Abhi … He was a good soul and will remain so wherever he is … Life is very fragile and it can be any of us next … So till the time u are alive and u can feel, let others know that u like them…

    Lo! some we loved, the loveliest and best
    That Time and Fate of all their Vintage prest,
    Have drunk their Cup a Round or two before,
    And one by one crept silently to Rest. (Omar Khayyam)

  4. I agree….!!!

  5. I can never put myself in the same league as people above in terms of knowing Varun but i must confess two things:
    – He was a special presence and i cannot remember a single time i met him and did not feel his presence throughout my stay on campus….HR you were special

    – All evenings and dreams since Sunday morning have only been full of him, his memories and one thought :

    ” Why don’t we understand the value of people and their presence when they are around us and feel it in an indispensable way once they are not?”

    May God bless Varun’s soul and provide all strength to his near and dear ones……

    Thanks Abhilash for this post

  6. Thanks Abhilash for this post…Life seems so unfair sometimes…You think you’ve found the perfect partner, and everything is over in a few minutes…It’s so tough and at the same time we have to go on for him… He was very happy to have a friend like you…sometimes excited about the “healthcar project”, excited about the bike trip…Please keep in touch…will need it, if you dont mind…
    I hope he’s even more happy now…
    Take care,

    Hélène

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