My diaries on introspection 13102008

My focus on self-discipline is taking on greater imprtance in the last few months. I have led a nomadic existence for a long period of time, for the past 4 years to be precise. I was in college before that. Everything related to studies, food and general activity were more or less in a haphhazard manner. I would try something like let’s say physical activity in the morning, for about a week or two and then it would just die out. similar attempts at having a vegetarian diet, avoiding alcohol and cigarettes would more or less meet with a similar fate.

While a familiar and likely reason would be laziness, it was mostly not the case. In my small span of life, what I have noticed about myself is that I need a compelling reason to do something. Now, additional characteristics about this compelling reason would be that the reason should have to do something with an intrinsic drive rather than an externally inflicted/ forced course of action. To offer examples, if my mother asks me to avoid eating non-vegetarian food, I would probably do it for a couple of weeks and when I know that my mother would no longer mind or if I notice that my drive to have non-vegetarian food is more or less bigger than my fear that my mother would scold me, then I just go ahead and have a chicken briyani. 

The moot point is that I was never convinced about why I have to avoid non-vegetarian food in the first place. There was some internal resistance in following a vegetarian diet, to start with. This resistance seemed to build up everytime I saw people consuming meat and I felt that I was being forced to avoid something I enjoyed for no apparent reason. This feeling of suppression built up like a dam and then when the dam would no longer take the load, i.e., when the feeling to have meat over rides the negative fall-out of having meat, I go ahead and have a chicken briyani.

Given that this has played out more than once, I try not indulge in any activity which does not offer me a compelling reasont to do it. This is particularly true of activities which are recurrent and have a tendency to repeat themselves in my daily routine.

I need a reasont to act and my mission nowadays in to find that reason. The reason in the case of my emphasis on discipline is simple. I have my hand full with my family, work and Kundalini Gnanam. I need to do justice to each and in this case I have to increase my personal level of efficiency. And discipline is a key ingredient in increasing both efficiency and potency of habits. Even if you are walking just half a kilometre per day, doing it everyday will add up to a lot of miles. 

Discipline and consistency are two habits which have never let me down.


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